Self-crucifixion Tips

If you're planning a successful self-crucifixion, here are a couple tips to bear in mind:

1. Don't cremate yourself beforehand: though a fine sanitary measure, ashes don't nail in all that good to wood,
2. Nail in your left and right hands up there at the same time so you won't fall down -- but if you do fall, be sure to land on the balls of your feet, knees flexed! Finally,
3. Use sunblocker -- unless you've bought in completely to the idea of original cinder.