A key President recently died at his desk in His Awful office.
As luck would have it, the event went unnoticed by staff and Sacred Service guards, according to FUX News, of spineless news fame.
Staffers assumed he was “silently poring over an intern”, claimed his pressed-secretary.
“He worked alone a lot —knitting wicker condoms, teaching articulation, reciting his speeches and spiffying up for his impeachment,” his speech-therapist explained. Those observing him drink lunch were long-accustomed to his disappearances deep into his trough, so they were surprised to find out he was dead and—GASP!—hadn’t showered for his funeral.
Bookies say chances of re-election are slim unless he can find a post-mortem deodorant with REAL staying power.
The country of which he was President has not yet been determined.
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