The ten gifts you could most do without

1. “Safety-free” razor with “crush-it” power tourniquet!
2. 2-in-1 meatball and/or booger launcher!
3. 2-in-one palm-polish: For speedier handshakes and high-sensitivity self-pleasuring!
4. 50 hp power file to trim fingernails to knuckle-depth in a flash!
5. Bad-breath spray to maintain your breath-stink ALL DAY LONG!
6. Beginner’s suicide kit. Included: lifetime warranty!
7. Bolt-it-on marathon-runner's yarmulke!
8. DK toothpaste for tooth-free gums!
9. Manually powered stones for bird eradication!
10. Pre-prepared duck soup maker to make making duck soup duck soup!