Surgeons join born-separate twins

Doctors at the world-renowned Schlemiel Clinic in Umbilical, Utah (Motto: “A Place to Putrefy.”) did it: They joined 2000-month-old twin girls in holy “twin-lock” at the pinkie. The girls were born unmarried.

Oilette and Toilette were joined in a seven-second procedure, (excluding commercials). It would have ended quicker, but half-way through, a third twin was permanently misplaced while being impregnated.

This was the first case on record of twins being born to non-conjoined mothers.

Surgeons described the unification as a success because they were paid big bucks in advance. Their medical team of 500 people – ranging in age from 45 to 199 lbs – slept peacefully during the complex operation; they were to be paid by the hour, anyhow, so, well, who cares?

The girls were born totally separate from one another, but now they share a common set of false teeth—and equally-false boyfriends.