Eccentric, moody millionaire Bob Kutt, accidentally committed suicide in self-defense—that is, to defend himself against himself. Then, panicked, he dismembered his body.
Every part of him was found innocent.
The verdict ended a grisly case that began when a choice selection of Kutt’s body parts washed up on a beach.
Kutt was stunned when he heard the verdict; his mouth hung open down to his ankles and his eyes filled with tears. The 60-year-old millionaire hugged his attorneys and sweetly murmured: “Your checks are in the mail.”
Kutt is still under suspicion in the disappearance of
To escape, he posed as an invisible mute woman.
In a risky, all-or-nothing strategy by the defense, the jury was allowed to consider only the suicide, not lesser charges of
- shoplifting,
- lousy posture
- sloppy butchering.
Kutt’s head was never recovered. The one he had in court was an off-the-shelf job from a local lettuce boutique.
Kutt came under suspicion after cops found a receipt with his name on it in trash bags containing his remains. When arrested, Kutt skipped bail and fled, apparently having lost his head.
He was a fugitive for 6 weeks. But then he got caught shoplifting sawdust when a storekeeper wouldn’t change a $530,000,000 bill. When caught, Kutt was armed and headed.
Kutt is the son of the ever-late Seymour Kutt who refused to comment although he was not asked for one.
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