Saturday, May 20, 2006

Send for my high-brow (yet free) how-to manuals!

HOW TO

  • Re-launch fiery matzo balls that have landed near you during meteor showers
  • Pass on to your friends what talking fish confess to you on the way to your psychiatric ward
  • Organize your personal collection of pornographic insect songs
  • Fortify your defenses against phantom ships and flying liquids or sounds
  • Recognize phantom submarines as they submerge under your driveway or bedroom ceiling
  • Use your U-curve telescope to hear phantom music and see deeper into your nasal passages
  • Tap into your hidden wellsprings of despair
  • Unleash the rampaging moron within you
  • Avoid the taxman through self-immolation
  • Befriend coy lepers without being obvious

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