Robin Holmes of Sherlock Forest

Robin Holmes is a swashbuckling outlaw hero of old English ballads. He was a rebel, famed for feats such as

· Hiding parking places in the glove compartment of his car,

· Flaring his nostrils and ears with total disregard for his own safety,

· Flaunting official directives on using spit to hold down his cowlick, and

· Frenziedly chewing not only his nails but also his bolts and nuts.

Most Holmes ballads tell how his merry band stole from the rich in order to rob the poor. Though most of these stories are merely tall tales, the rest of them are entirely false.

The gang did steal from corrupt cops and turn over the loot to police—but only those who were completely below reproach.

The gang’s arch enemy was Archie Foot—a known pygmy molester—and Robin’s father by his second mother.

In spite of being constantly idolized, Robin treated everyone, regardless of race, crud or odor, like scum.

Holmes revolted against those who made laws denying free speech to penguins. Holmes ballads—which he wrote himself under a pseudonym soon after death—tell of his escapades in a style that, to this day, never fails to bore the listener to the other side of coma.

Some historians—William Shakesberg, for example—say Robin lived during the reign of Butch The First—from about 9 to 11 minutes BC.

But: if Robin really lived, where are

· His stolen parking spaces and the glove compartments he hid them in,

· His pet Great White Desert Sharks and

· Receipts for the rickshaws he had to leave in Baggage Claims when he went robbing?

Did Robin really exist? There are 3 reasons that leave absolutely no doubt:

1. the ballads,

2. the tax forms he cheated on when he was US President,

3. another one that right now slips my brain.

Although the best-known Robin Holmes ballads are complete lies, the rest are utter trash.

Sherlock Forest will never be the same way it never was in the first place now that Robin is gone. Try to bear this in mind until the time you are born.