We're so smart, so well-informed and perceptive.
Well, here's a plain old mutt with HUGE pins in his
leg that, if most of us had them, would make us feel sorry enough for ourselves in an hour to last a lifetime.
This guy didn't complain AT ALL.
I'm trying to learn from him.
Who could take even one eye off of these break-through designer flip-flops?
Your tastiest friends disappear,
Your wife gives up vegetarianism,
Your wife looks thoughtfully at your meatiest parts (thighs, for example),
She pokes fun at vegetarians
She tends to bite when you kiss,
She overly-grateful when you're tender,
She buys a pans in the shape of your body parts,
When she’s near you, she licks her lips and drools,
She seems to feel maybe you ought to go to pot,
She buys you a meat thermometer though you never actually cook yourself.
She insists on helping you in the kitchen rather than letting you cook yourself.
Taking time from your busy schedule to engage in dreaming may be the best investment you can make.
What you may not realize is that, beneath all their clothing, they're both TOTALLY NUDE.A couple consisting of three is not only a crowd but is also odd.
A circle of infinitely small diameter is equal in length to a straight line whose extreme ends are in the same place.
A glass half full of nothing, is just as good as than one half empty of something.
The extreme ends of a straight line are equidistant from one another.0% of half a loaf equals 100% of no loaf at all.
Half of no loaf is better than all none of a whole one.
A practical axiom is never simple, clear, short, to-the-point, concise and wrong.
100% of a whole loaf is better than 50% of one half its size.
Half a whole loaf is equal to twice as much of one half its size.
80% of the best writers come from cold regions; the rest wish they’d go back up there and freeze.
90% of zilch, all other things being equal, is nothing; it would still be nothing even if all other things weren’t equal.
A bird killed in flight, all other things being equal, tends to descend not only each and every, but all and only one time.
A body at rest tends to remain at rest until just after it tries to sleep.
A chunk of nothing is nothing, irrespective its previous or future size.
Choose from the top ten and learn HOW TO:
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Nostrils are our face’s finest features: they’re expressive, cute, and useful—and they also keep people from looking straight into your snot. Without nostrils—really—it’d be hard to face your face! All too often however, our nostrils are dry, chapped, cracked and delusional.
The main keys to keeping nostrils smooth and healthy involve nostril balm—but many patients confess to an addiction to nostril balm in their quest to alleviate testy, raging and temperamental nostrils. Although at first blush, nostril balm “addiction” seems loony, it’s very real, even to non-psychotics. Our nostrils are lots thinner than the skin that covers our face and body. So: the blood vessels are closer to the skin, and the nostrils warm reddish color which only increases if we apply fluorescent red lipstick on them each morning.
However, besides being thinner than the skin, especially if you’re a rhino, the nostrils have no oil, lipstick or toothpaste glands. So: they get dry and chapped—vulnerability made worse by dry winter air or the habitual application of blow-torch flames. To fight against the resulting inflammatory response and keep nostrils moist, we need to apply moisturizing treatments. Common nostril balms do not possess these healing properties. Sidestepping the problem by removing the nostrils is hardly an option for those whose glasses tend to slide down their snouts!
I have found a formulation rich in chicken grease smoothes the fine lines and wrinkles around the nostrils, helping to keep the nostrils moist and enhancing the nostril’s natural color and fullness. When applied on the skin around the nostrils, this treatment will also help smooth this delicate area, which is real susceptible to thinning of the skin and the augmentation of fine vertical lines that look like crap.
Apply a couple pounds of these antioxidants during the day and before hitting the sack, and increase nostril swelling for a fuller, firmer, balloony look like you wouldn’t believe!
For chapping, try olive oil or axle grease. One of the most important and powerful elements here is found only in extra virgin olive oil, so experienced olives need not apply!
Together, these two formulas moisten nostrils and improve their texture almost immediately, and provide far more benefit than any simple nostril balm can.
Seriously chapped nostrils can be prevented by following a few simple steps:
· Protect and enhance nostrils with an anti-oxidant rich formula.
· Keep your body well hydrated by drinking at least 10 mugs of
· Never lick your nostrils. Saliva dries ‘em out like crazy!
· Do not chew on your nostrils, but never swallow!
· Apply anti-oxidant nostril treatments frequently throughout the day.
· Don’t forget nutritional supplements either, unless you want to be a real klutz. Besides fancy vitamins and ritzy formulas, essential fatty acids in dead fish, flax, and bilge oil are a must—as are my special formula NOSTRILATO EXPENSIVE OINTMENT. Order now!
With the proper care and attention, our nostrils can be smooth, firm and beautiful all year long.
Thank you for reading. As always, I welcome your comments without and hardly ever take them personally.
