The ULTIMATE headache remedy!

Jockstrap facts and tips in a nutshell!

Describing a too-tight jockstrap is virtually impossible without using your hands

A new, new, new type of tap dancer!

 

If there was any dancer who could REALLY be dubbed "tip-top" -- or would that be "tip-TAP"? -- she's it -- especially when she switches the rubber tips of her crutches for big-time professional orchestral CYMBALS!

 An observation of something you might've been astute enough to overlook:

A bird killed in flight, all other things being equal, tends to descend not only each and every, but all and only one time.

Can you face YOUR problems without resorting to tattoos?

What you see here may be the modern version of the ostrich
hiding its head in the sand.  Think about it!

Neighbor-lady, as viewed from my terrace!

From my apartment, there's a great view of not only the pool, but of the deck chairs and, sunning themselves toplessly, female personnel! 
It's GREAT (if you like that sort of stuff)!

Fashion trend-setter!

Could YOU EVER match the elegance and sheer ZAP of this man's fashion sense?

The fountain of youth FUBARS again!

 Actually, of course, you should DRINK from the fountain, not SMOKE what it spurts out!

Liquids are really lousy for smoking, especially if you inhale!

ALSO:  they may fairly-totally wreck your skin, eyes, lips and, of course,  your etc. 

Proof:  study the photo of this sexy 15-year-old Mess America bikini winner!

If it looks like a pig, smells like one, and eats like one, is it your Uncle Joe?

 

I took this photo before discovering the pig filter for my camera, an ESSENTIAL tool for those of us who can't be bothered to photoshop out the pigs in their family snaps!

Pink toenails and glossy knees! Yummy!

Although bus tickets now cost a fortune, if you truly appreciate pink toenails, that fortune seems seems really cheap!

An observation

Alexander Hamilton started the US Treasure with a balance of nothing.
I wonder:
will it ever get that high again?

Getting OUT of a slump is easy compared to PERFECTING the slump you've got!

If you're going to slump, DO IT RIGHT: scrunch down deep in yourself until there isn't a straight place anywhere in your body!

Study the photo and learn!

(Are you forgetting to slump AT THIS VERY MOMENT?

Yes?

Then start thinking BENT!)

When?

NOW or IMMEDIATELY -- whichever comes first!

No excess slimness!

Sometimes you get so slim, with such defined abs and stuff, that your muscles have their own muscles and everyone's looking at you all the time!

Play it safe: get old and EAT TOO MUCH!

Why are they both barefoot?

(Of course it would be REALLY strange if the guy was barefoot and thought I was a  seagull wearing combat boots -- but we're still on earth, not Pluto, so enjoy the fact that you can go around your kitchen naked-footed and nuts -- until your partner gets back home!)

Looks aren't everything!

Are they??

How to steal really BIG dinnerplates!

A girl speaks her mind about celibacy

Maybe it's just me, but I prefer to wait until after I'm married to go celibate. Yes, it has a lot to do with my Christian faith and with respect I'll demand from my future husband -- and for myself.

I'd much rather have my husband know that I stay pure during marriage, at least in relation to him.

I get a lot of praise and a lot of criticism, but mostly people don't give a hoot what I do -- though I'm positive my husband will!

Some people say I should give celibacy a try before marriage; they compared it to trying out a new car.

If you don't wait, great -- but I'll wait as long as I have to, right up until my wedding day -- and if I don't get married, then guess I'll be spending a lot of time on my back (or other mutually satisfying positions whatsoever that I can dream up.)

The neighbors contemplate careers in politics

Honest politicians are rare.
The responsibilities are great.
How many really good men
are up to the task?

Relishing your Bogglement!

Most of us slow down mentally as we age. But there’s a world of difference between “just slowing down” and moving into Big League Bogglement – which is, of course, that huge stew of memory-loss, confusion and total muddle we all strive for.

The more questions below that you answer YES to, the better your chances of discarding your old life, advancing into the bogglized one that I, personally, thrive in. The questions:

• Look for signs of memory loss and language difficulties. Can you trash, dump and frazzle-up words, names of common objects such as your spouse, etc.?

• Have you been forgetting ever-simpler math, for example - or do your old skills persist and resist?

• Can you stay unfocussed on an easy-as-lying Dick and Jane conversation even when Jane is out to lunch?

• Can you act inappropriately as well as you used to? For example, can you still wear your underpants on your head and your cap on your butt at weddings?

• The boggled mind is the happy mind, and the royal road to bogglization is wide, short and toll-free!

Did you understand what you just read? If not, you may be on the way to a delightful, fact-free, highly-boggle-ated inner life!

Enjoy every moment!

I, and I alone, am to blame for the following insights:

If one thing is identical to another, both are identical.

Bottomlessness of glasses, cups and bottles is directly proportional to unfillability.

Never end a sentence abrup

Pure virgin filth is not substantially cleaner than old-fashioned dirt.

What post-mortem smiles lack in warm, they make up for in durability.

The funnier the jokes you make up, the more easily remembered by people who forget they heard them from you first.

The less absurd a politician’s promises, the less likely they’re believed.

The more aimless your path, the more likely you are to get where you don’t mind going.

The shortest distance between two points is another point.